Death

As far as I can remember, I've been fixated on death. I have moments of sheer panic when I think about my mortality. A few years ago, I decided the reason I was afraid to die. It wasn't because I was afraid of pain or the manner in which I could go. It was that I was afraid to die and having no one remember me for anything. I wanted to be remembered for something great I did in my life. Till now I've performed small and random acts of kindness and charity. A lot of which, I do, and tell no one. I like those the best but aren't exactly "obituary builders" as I have grown to call my mission. I may be going about everything the wrong way.



I can't find my niche. I can't find the one thing I want to be remembered for. I keep seeking it out with no luck. Am I too young to find it? If I die tomorrow, that doesn't help me a whole lot. I'll be remembered as that lady, wait, who is that lady ?



And even if I do, do something big and great, who says people will know I did it, or that I will be remembered for it ? Is that pretentious?



I've been real depressed about it lately. I won't even be staying in the same state longer than 4 years for the next 10 to 15, so how can I set roots down anywhere long enough to do any real good ?



Normal people don't worry about shit like this do they ? What do you want in your obituary?